Sunday, September 21, 2008

That The Bruised Heart Was Pierced Through The Ear.

When I was going through my whole emo phase, I decided that in order to fully embrace the culture, I needed to do something rebellious and something that involved metal. Ear piercings. I had always wanted a second piercing and ever since the extremely memorable scene in the 1998 version of The Parent Trap (back when Lindsay Lohan wasn't crazy and lesbian, speaking of which, OMG GUEST JUDGE FOR PROJECT RUNWAY? Since when did her horrible leggings line deem her a fashion designer. Ahhhhh) in which Hallie pierces theonewiththeBritishaccent's ear. See how cute she/they is/are!

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Thus, I double pierced my ears with the Parent Trap technique. And it worked!
This morning I decided I wanted a triple pierce and so..

Without further ado, I present to you...
HOW TO PIERCE YOUR EARS USING A SAFETY PIN

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You will need:
-Neosporin
-Rubbing alcohol (You should probably check the expiration date. I didn't. Until after. Umm.. Yes.)
-Pink lipgl-- Wait. What's that doing there?! Besides looking pretty...
-Fattyass safety pin. I mean it. Size does matter. This itty bitty pin that is shown here...did not work.. more about that later.
-A couple of Q-tips
-A thinly sliced apple chunk
-Some guts (Represented here by the pretty tube filled with pink liquid.)
-An earring with a pointy tip (I couldn't find a pointy tipped one, but it still works.. It just means you'll need to use more force.
-A door that locks so that nosy parents don't walk in and demand what the hell you are doing.

Step #1: Drown everything in your non-expired rubbing alcohol, your earring, the safety pin, the apple... BUT DO NOT LET THE RUBBING ALCOHOL TOUCH YOUR EAR DIRECTLY. This will dry out your earskin (that sounds like.. nvm) and the wound as well later on.

Step #2: Cover your pin in the neosporin ointment and position the apple chunk behind your ear. Firmly grab your ear and the apple with your hands and in a deft movement pierce your ear with the pin. It will probably not work the first time you try it. You might have chickened out. You might not have applied enough pressure. You need to apply tons. (Now, first time I did this, I used the itty pitty pin. It went in smoothly but when I tried to get the earring in, the hole that the pin created was not large enough to shove in my earring. Very bad. So actually go find a huge safety pin and don't be lazy like I was.)

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Step #3: Try Step #2 again. If you do it correctly, it should pierce all the way through to the apple cushion. It makes a delightfully crunchy sound when it hits the apple.

Step #4: Don't feel proud or badass yet. That was the easy part. Leave the safety pin in for about 3 minutes. This gives it enough time to let the hole fully for and let you take badass pics of bits of metal poking in your ear! However, don't get too carried away.. we dont want the wound to begin healing with your safety pin still stuck in there.

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Step #5: Quickly remove the safety pin with a firm yank and take your earring that you have so cleverly remembered to smear with neosporin. Shove the earring through that hole that you just created. Do. Not. Be. Gentle. This takes a buttload of force. If you hear a popping noise/sensation, don't be scared. That's what's supposed to happen. (I hope..)Also, if you at this point see a little blood, that's normal as well. Once it is in, smear the back and front of the hole with neosporin and rotate the earring a few times.

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Step #6: Let it be. DO NOT PUT A BACKING ON YET. Don't touch it. If you can, put your hair up. If your parents are like mine, they won't really even notice it! Admire your pretty new piercing and perhaps give it a name.

If you are afraid of needles, pain, blood, the wrath of angry asian mothers, and doing all of this to yourself, I would recommend popping by your nearest Claire's store and getting it done there. Anan won't judge you. Suede won't either.

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I just reread this entire post. Teehee it sounds so dirty.

1 comment:

Karafina said...

that was awesome...